Since 1997, The Amelia Center has been a place of healing for children and families in Central Alabama who are grieving from the loss of a loved one. It’s a place that Lurenda Avery is intimately familiar with.
Now a mother of two, Avery lost her first child Olivia seven days after she was born.
“In a matter of a few hours, my entire world turned upside down,” Avery said. “You think you’re an adult at 26 until you go through something like that, and everything changes really, really fast.”
In the days and weeks after Olivia’s passing, Avery said she was surrounded by family; but despite their presence, she said she’d never felt more alone in her life.
“When I walked into the Amelia Center, it was the first time that I didn’t feel alone,” Avery said.
The Amelia Center, a United Way of Central Alabama partner agency, provides grief counseling for parents who have lost children and children who have lost parents, at no cost to clients.
By the time that Avery and her husband Ben had decided that they wanted to try for another baby, she had stopped going to regular appointments at the center. Avery said that her doctors had determined how to avoid the situation that caused Olivia to be born prematurely, which ultimately resulted in her passing.
But after Avery became pregnant again, she and her husband were overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of losing another child. “We were terrified, and the anxiety was just getting to be way, way too much,” she said.
Avery’s mother pointed her back in the direction of The Amelia Center after realizing the level of fear that her daughter was experiencing. Upon hearing that Avery’s anxiety was severe enough to make daily tasks difficult, her therapist took her to a table with a stack of various stones. She and her therapist decided that a big, craggy, misshapen rock best represented her feelings. The therapist then had Avery write the word “FEAR” on the rock. She was instructed to carry it around in her purse for a week, before returning for her next therapy session. The following week, Avery recalls, was cumbersome, awkward and strenuous.
“I now have core memories of being in Publix and having to take the giant rock out of my purse to get my wallet,” Avery said. “I remember getting funny looks and having to say, ‘Bear with me. I can’t explain the rock, but it’s important.’”
The message was clear to Avery: holding onto fear is like carrying a big, heavy rock around through every moment of life. While some fear is natural, Avery’s therapist told her that she must choose to have hope.
“When you start to experience fear, you just need to think about this big, nasty rock and how pointless it is,” Avery recalled her therapist saying.
She was sent home from her return session with a new stone — a pristine, smooth pebble on which she wrote the word “HOPE.” She was instructed to hold it as a token when she felt fear creeping in.
A few months later, her son Jeffery was born perfectly happy and healthy; and before he was two, Avery was pregnant again. Chelsea was born on June 5th, the same day, and within the same hour, that Olivia passed away. While in the hospital, Avery decided Chelsea’s middle name would be Hope.
“The reason that I will always remember The Amelia Center and advocate for them is that I don’t know where I would be — and I don’t know if I would have had the kids I have — without them,” said Avery.
For more information about how United Way partners and programs support Mental Health, click here.